Best Marriage Advice From Seniors: The Truths That Actually Last

With age, traditional marriage vows become more important because they set a practical standard for staying close and helping each other through life's challenges. The best marriage advice includes daily routines of expressing gratitude and avoiding the four destructive conflict patterns of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

The vows you make during your wedding ceremony often sound idealistic and old-fashioned, especially if you get married in your 20s. But as you grow older, you learn that these traditional affirmations of commitment have persisted for centuries because they offer a valuable blueprint for a happy marriage that lasts a lifetime.

During significant changes in life, these vows become even more significant. They offer guiding principles for how you can stay positive and support each other.

Here's some of the best marriage advice that you're likely to hear from seniors here in Summerville, SC.

Maintaining Emotional Connection in Aging Through Challenges

One of the key parts of your wedding vow is the phrase, "for better or for worse". This part is meant to dispel the fantasy of consistent romance throughout the decades.

The ups and downs of a relationship are like the changing of the seasons. A relationship that feels dead in the cold of winter can always bloom into something beautiful when the spring inevitably returns. Older couples have experienced this cycle enough times that they never lose hope, and as the vow says, they stick by their partner for better or for worse.

A good spouse knows to keep up daily connection habits and romantic gestures even if they feel unappreciated in the moment. Likewise, a good spouse often knows that such gestures will need to be appreciated in the long run.

The #1 Thing That Destroys Marriages

Lack of appreciation certainly won't kill a marriage overnight like infidelity or violence, but in the long term, it can be just as harmful. Lack of appreciation wears down relationships slowly. Eventually, effort feels pointless, and resentment becomes your spouse's default emotional state.

The solution is showing consistent daily proof that you notice the efforts your partner puts in. You should show them that you still value them, and demonstrate you understand the burdens they carry for you.

Avoid generic statements like "you're the best"; you need to give real examples, for example:

• Point to one specific thing your spouse did for you and describe its impact, such as noticing they kept a stressful situation calm using an inside joke.
• Acknowledge a mundane task they did, like scheduling appointments or managing paperwork.
• Acknowledge a time when they made you feel supported and understood, like when they remembered your preferences without being reminded.

This kind of specific appreciation is hard to fake, and that is why it rebuilds closeness and connection.

The Four Behaviors That Cause 90% of All Divorces

According to John Gottman, four conflict patterns in marriage can rapidly destroy the relationship. Couples who consistently do any of these four things will struggle to solve problems and collaborate, and are likely to treat each other with disrespect and withdraw from intimacy and connection. Here are the four patterns:

• Criticism: When you attack your partner's character instead of giving constructive feedback, it makes people feel blamed and insulted, and it doesn't provide them with any reasonable pathway to self-improvement.
• Contempt: Contemptuous spouses will express disgust and superiority using sarcasm, insults, and disrespectful gestures like eye-rolling.
• Defensiveness: Defensive spouses react to legitimate complaints with counterattacks or excessive excuses, preventing accountability and mature problem-solving.
• Stonewalling: Some spouses don't get defensive; they just shut down altogether, and withdrawing from conflict leaves your partner to face the problem alone, which is just as destructive as being actively defensive.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is Divorce Common in Seniors?

Despite the popular idea that older couples don't tend to get divorced, in reality, the modern situation is quite different. According to a study by Susan L. Brown and I-Fen Lin in The Journals of Gerontology Series B, divorces post-retirement are becoming more common, with around 36% of people who get a divorce being over the age of 50.

Common factors include the retirement lifestyle, further exposing long-running problems in the marriage, and the high-stakes financial challenges faced by seniors who need to pay for assisted living and memory care communities.

People also have higher expectations for personal performance because of an increasingly individualistic culture that sees divorce as a normal part of life rather than something shameful.

The best marriage advice declares that decades of marriage don't entitle you to a continuation of the relationship, and couples need to keep working on long-term love lessons throughout every stage of their lives, including after retirement.

What's the Secret to a Good Marriage?

Some of the best senior relationship advice is remarkably simple. According to the marriage reflections of Helen Inwald, who has been happily married for over 70 years, the secret to successful aging in partnership revolves around three C's:

• Compromise means you won't always get your own way, and successful marriage means learning to accept that when you can.
• Consideration means using emotional intelligence skills to consider your spouse's feelings and needs, rather than just selfishly thinking of yourself.
• Cooperation means working together as a team and treating all your problems as shared ones, rather than seeing your spouse as an adversary.

Take the Best Marriage Advice

Strong marriages are all about consistently showing appreciation and dedication through small interactions rather than grand gestures. The best marriage advice shows how to avoid criticism, contempt, and defensiveness, and instead work together as a team to face life's challenges.

If your spouse is experiencing cognitive decline or mobility difficulty. It might be time to consider a senior living community.

Here at Terrabella Summerville, we offer both assisted living and dedicated memory care, and we're proud to help our married residents enjoy a fulfilling marriage and lifestyle despite their impairments or disabilities. We're also excited to offer a little extra support to military veterans who can receive a significant discount on the monthly rent.

The best way to understand the Terrabella Summerville lifestyle is to see it with your own eyes. Contact us today, and let's set up an appropriate and convenient time to take a tour.